The FAST track.

Am I on track?
What's missing in my walk that grieves God or misses the point?

Have you asked yourself what God desires from you that just isn't part of your walk?
Perhaps something that may be culturally muted or lost?
Recently I'm asking myself -- how critical is fasting?

I think the Lord is telling me it's very important.


It's not taught much in American churches.
To be honest, it feels a bit like manipulation to me. . . if I do this, God, you're supposed to do this.
It feels like a ramped up form of begging or attention getting from a busy Father.


I've been pondering this for months.
The Lord is firmly urging me into fasting. How is he doing this?
repetition....repetition....repetition

~ As ministry deepens and I see more of God's heart to heal and set free, a phrase Jesus said to his disciples keeps echoing in my mind, 'this kind comes out only with prayer and fasting'.

~ As one of my "dream girls" at EMI prays over me a few months ago she says something like, 'God wants you to embrace fasting...and I'm not talking about cutsie fasting, either.' I took that to mean minimal or "cheap" fasting -- like giving up chocolate or potato chips. [Uh oh]

~ In our October session of International School, Iko, a young Nigerian pastor, fasted every day of the school till 3pm. His father who was also attending said it is customary in Nigeria to fast on your birthday. It's a way of life there. Kind of like breathing.

~ I also "happen" to be in a new weekly fellowship with Susan, a new friend who leads prayer ministry in my new church. We found ourselves talking about fasting. A lot. It's been a struggle for her to embrace, too. She loaned me a book that has been very helpful.
With mutual encouragement we've been pressing into fasting.


Some highlights that are sticking with me:
• Fasting exposes our weakness -- the tyrany of the body and human appetite (check).
• Fasting is a means God gives to meet us in our weakness & reveal His strength (check).
• Fasting is an expression of hunger for more of God (check + check!).

How can I not do this then?
If it's not manipulation of God but partnership with him, I'm IN!!


FASTING SLOWLY
Rather than set myself up for failure by trying to fast for days, or even 24 hours, I started by fasting from dinner to 3pm the next day. Drinking only juice or water. Doable.

The challenge is disciplining my thinking away from a growling stomach and insistent thoughts of how long it will be before I can eat. I'm trying to take time to pray rather than steam roll through my TO DO list...my typical day.
This must not be typical at all! That's the point!

Stomach growls...I lift up a prayer.
Food thoughts intrude...I think of something to praise God for.
Lunch hour: I go for a prayer walk and listen.

So far the fruit of this seems to be a stronger nudge to examine what may be hindering freedom in my prayer and ministry power. It has made me self-conscious.
I can see how certain things rule me....
like turning on the TV first thing in the morning and first thing when arriving home from work....
or unwinding every day by playing computer games, for hours!
[You know it's bad when you close your eyes and see an imprint of game characters on the inside of your eyelids!]. . .
or reading about God rather than being still and listening for His voice.


Rather than sliding into a guilt trip I'm working to acknowledge a truth and choose something else. To choose. That's the point!

Walking through the routine of every day becomes somewhat hypnotic.
Fasting seems to remove the fog.
It awakens.

If this is a step higher up and deeper in (C.S. Lewis) to my relationship with God, how I hear Him and work out my salvation...then it's something I want to embrace.

Eventually I might get up to days or even weeks of fasting.
For now, it's a decision to move forward one step at a time.
Take it on as an adventure....a date....

Giving myself grace and seeing what God will do!
That I can embrace!

Stand in Awe of God

AWE-ful!

Have you ever gone on a silent retreat?
Committed a day to be with God - to listen for his voice?
To pray without ceasing?
I've always wanted to do this, and finally committed to do it this month.

October's autumn has always been a season (my favorite) when it's easy for me to sense God.
The brilliant blue of sky, the woodsy smells, the wrapping up of green in a redgoldorange blaze of glory -- moving on into browns and greys and whites.
It invigorates me.

My retreat took place at a Jesuit center nearby with fifty or so other women.*
I was thrilled to run into friends there and to catch up over a healthy brunch.
Then the call to 4 hours of silence.
We hungrily walked over the grounds to land in a quiet spot and seek our Father....each in our own way.

Nature oozes God.
Getting away from home and work and traffic and noise distractions is soul food.
No words necessary. Just being. To be. Be.

I took a full hour beside a river and its sensory offering to quiet down. Finally, I asked God, "What's on your mind for me?" and opened up my Bible.
"Stand in awe of God."


Stand in awe. . .a command. An act of obedience.
Remember what he has done. Worship him. He is faithful. He provides. He loves me. He heals me. He calls me into partnership with him. He gives me authority. He prepares a path. He imparts himself into me. He expresses himself through me.
He is able!

Stand in awe. . .a promise.
More is coming.
Anticipate.


Awe: "profound reverence and respect for God, tempered with fear that makes us want to please and obey Him. . . solemn wonder mingled with dread. . ."
The Evangelical Dictionary of Theology


The history of the word awe started with "fright; terror" (1200's) and morphed into "awe inspiring" (1300's). By the 1600's awe was applied to God in the sense of overwhelming reverence or fear (respect).

This is more the tone of the Bible reference I had opened to read and meditate upon.
The reference is Ecclesiastes 5:7. The prophet is confronting God's people for being lax in fulfilling their promises to God. "He has no pleasure in fools...."4b

We so easily offer words of love and commitment to God and each other and so often fail to follow through. Better not to promise at all.
God is not pleased. Destruction results.
Meaningless.

In our culture not following through on our word has become permissable. Excusable. Even acceptable. "That's just the way s/he is." "Take what s/he says with a grain of salt."
We don't expect much from each other.

God is not pleased.
Awe-ful also means to me that God does not condone the "whatever" mindset of today.
It lacks respect -- for him -- for others -- for ourselves.

Bottom line, if we promise and then don't do it, we have lied.
God is then misrepresented. His reputation is smudged because of his people.



Let us be standing in praise and anticipation.
Let us mean what we say and say what we mean.
Let us recover "solemn wonder and dread."
Let us know in our inmost being that you are, indeed, an Aweful God!




*For silent retreat info in Cincinnati, contact Judy Haag, timeofrefreshment@gmail.com

Why am I Blogging Out of My Mind?

God is up to something!

OK, so I'm a private person. Introvert. Shy.
I keep my inner life mostly inside...with the exception of a few people I risk revealing more of inner me with. I'm OK with that.

~ HEAR MY VOICE ~
Lately the Lord is stretching my ears to hear him. . . and then to speak what I hear.
Tho I prefer the behind-the-curtain part of the stage...my husband will tell you I do a lot of directing via stage whispers from the safety of back stage...I feel the Lord's firm hand in the small of my back urging me out to front stage. Yikes!

He has graciously granted me time to toe-dip into "thus sayeth the Lord."
I take that so very seriously!
Maybe too seriously.
I cannot not speak any longer.
Something in this is urgent.

I have a sense the time is now for the BODY OF CHRIST to speak into each other's lives...and into an ever darkening world.
I'm seeing dusk fade into blacker and blackest black.
People are rightly afraid.

HERE WE GO!
We are in a preparation time.
The Body must grow in recognizing the voice of their Shepherd.
The pasture is growing more treacherous...and those who cannot discern His voice over the din are vulnerable.

Some will be picked off by our enemy.
Some will wander and lose their way...and oh so much of the precious time we have been given.

So, for anyone who finds this little blog, I will be speaking out the things I believe the Lord is telling me -- for the sake of His people.

Perhaps these words are for you?
PPing